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Kids that don't listen


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My sister-in-law, who I dearly love Crazy.gif , has been wanting us to take her and her family out on the boat. One of her younger kids is 3 and has never been made to obey and does just about whatever she pleases. The word "no" means that the parent will allow the behavior to continue untill no has been said at least 10 times. Then there is a temper tantrum which usually end up getting the kid what she wants and her behavor flat makes me mad. My daughter is 3.5 and has been raised to do what she is asked and knows that temper tantrums and fit throwing gets her nowhere in a hurry, therefor she is a blast to have anywhere near water.

I have been telling myself and my wife that I don't want to take them out on the boat because a 3 year old that doesn't listen would be dangerous to have in the boat. An unruely kid running arround the boat would be a bit distracting plus the kid would annoy the [email protected]## out of me and my wife.

Am I being too unreasonable? (read: someone back me up :) ) How else would you handle this?

I love being on the water and want to share the experience with anyone who wants to go. But not at the risk of being dangerous.

Can you tell I am bored? We have 95 degrees and south winds at about 100 mph today. Yuk.gif

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You are not being unreasonable...kids need to listen to you (with the backup of their parents) while on your boat.

What people forget is that you are a long way (potentially) from help out on the lake, and you need to do everything you can to mitigate the inherent risks invoilved in our sport.

A kid not listening to you out on the lake could result in far more harm than them not listening to you tell them to put that toy back when they grab it at the local toy store.

Level with the parents, let them know one person is in charge on the boat (you, not the kid) and if it offends her save yourself the less than enjoyable day on the water (and the dread leading up to it, as your already showing). Tell her she will have to have your back.

Good luck to you...

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Have a similar situation.

Luckily, the newness mellowed him out.

We usually do this kind of thing at a lake with a park and a playground at the landing....so you can always pull the..

"Looks like X is getting antsy...maybe he would like to go on the PLAYGROUND..."

The child will then always demand to go to the playground and you can drop off one of the parents with him/her...

dave

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explain to the child that while on the boat whatever you say must be followed the first time you say it or you will return said child to shore. follow thru on that statement. If there is a next time, the child will either not want to go or will behave while on your boat.

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I love my kid. She is in the same age. But we also are old fashioned parents, and to not put up w/ that Kind of behavior. Anyway, I tried taking out my niece, and nephew a couple of times. I had absolutely no fun at all. I now know to tell them that if they want to go boating, they need to get there own damn boat........ Mad.gif That may sound bad, but why should I work my butt off, and have to waist what little free time I do have. When just me, the wife, and kid go out, we usually have a great time.

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At 3 years the kid isn't the problem - the parents are. You need to separate the kid from the parents. We've been through this. For the 1st trip out I'd make sure the parents are NOT on the boat. That way you can clearly be in charge. After a trip or two alone when you let mommy in the boat you will still be in charge even if mommy isn't.

And ditto to what Cervelo said. If you make a threat and get called on it you have to follow through the first time or all is lost.

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We're usually out numbered in our boat at least 3 to 1 / kid to adult ratio.

bobofthenorth is dead one. It's your sister, not the kid. You've got to pull her aside and let her know - you're in charge and what you say goes.

Sit the child up on the deck of the boat, look them in the eye and explain the rules. Tell them there will be no warnings. If they break a rule - they will be dunked in the water. Next time they break a rule they will be taken back to shore.

The threat of going in the water, for a 3 year old, should completely get their attention.

Help others see the fun in boating, but safety and your immediate families enjoyment comes first.

My dad taught me about family first growing up. We were very active in our congregation outings, and were usually on the short list of the youth group boating trips. My dad made sure, no matter what the group we were with, his family (usually me) got to get in the water first. It made me feel very important. Looking back now, I can see the benefit of letting your kids get the good water and enjoying themselves takes precedence over the others that may never come on the boat again.

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The threat of going in the water, for a 3 year old, should completely get their attention.

Threaten my 20 month old with going in the water (my wife and I now have to spell the word 'pool' to each other) and you'd better be ready for a couple hours of swimming, minimum...I think she got cross mutated with some tadpole DNA, like the guy in the 'fly'.

Seriously, the guys above are right, it's not the kid, it's the parent....have a heart to heart with the Mom/Dad prior to launch and let them know how it will be on your boat...if they are not agreeable, give them the option of staying home...

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I hold parents 120% responsible for their children's behavior. Is it just me but I really don't remember having anything resembling "time out"? Different generation.

Edited by Headhunter 2317
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When I was really young (3 or 4) I was NOT allowed to touch any of the controls in the boat...well one day my dad was helping someone get in the boat and he left the engine running and no one attending to me. (when the boat was in the garage I always played like I was driving...) I went over to the drivers seat, crawled up and pushed the throttle down Shocking.gif No one got hurt....except for me....I got my a$$ beat for that one :lol: ... Cry.gif

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As mentioned above, it's the parents that are the culprits.

Sad to say, but your parents were the ones at fault JSPro. The a$$whoopen should've gone to them.

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explain to the child that while on the boat whatever you say must be followed the first time you say it or you will return said child to shore. follow thru on that statement. If there is a next time, the child will either not want to go or will behave while on your boat.

Absolutely. It sets a standard if you state, prior to boarding the boat, that YOU are in charge and EVERYONE will do as they are instructed--parents included. The child will magically become a better listener or will be on shore. Give no more than three absolute rules and the consequence for not following. You may choose to remind or warn once depending on the action. No slack! Regardless of the outcome, your next boat ride will be better--the kid will be there and follow instructions or won't be there at all. Best of all? You won't have to agonize over this again.

The threat of going in the water, for a 3 year old, should completely get their attention.

I disagree with this, Andy. You're either threatening them with a good time because they like the water, as stated above; OR far worse, you may create FEAR of the water. Imagine having to dunk an hysterical, rule-breaking kid in the water. . .then imagine an adult who remains aquaphobic because of a childhood experience. . .

FWIW. Not that I know much about child psychology. Crazy.gif

Edited by VinRLX
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I hold parents 120% responsible for their children's behavior. Is it just me but I really don't remember having anything resembling "time out"? Different generation.

I am with you on this one. "Time out" is ruining kids today, not making them better behaved. When I was a child if I screamed at either of my parents or dis-respected another adult (or even another kid for that matter) I promptly had my rear end set on fire. What's funny is after a few times of that happening I stopped that type of behavior. It just kills me to see parents these days have a child behaving like a total brat and react by giving them time out or some other silly "punishment". It does not work IMO.

I had a cousin that came to stay with my family for a week years ago....he was about 10 or so. He was a well-documented terror in our family and his parents did absolutely nothing but yell at him once in a while. Well he hadn't been there long when he decided to punch my little sister of about 5 in the mouth, busting her lip. My father wore him out! He was as polite and quiet as a church mouse the rest of the week. Yes sir, no ma'am etc. His parents ended up sending him to military school. Just a few years ago we had a family reunion and he showed up. He came up to my father and thanked him for that spanking all those years ago if you can believe that! He had never forgot that lesson and actually respected my dad for it.

Sorry for the rant but it's a pet peeve of mine.

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As mentioned above, it's the parents that are the culprits.

Sad to say, but your parents were the ones at fault JSPro. The a$$whoopen should've gone to them.

I second that...

Turn off/pull keys if you are leaving the kid near the drivers seat.

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explain to the child that while on the boat whatever you say must be followed the first time you say it or you will return said child to shore. follow thru on that statement. If there is a next time, the child will either not want to go or will behave while on your boat.

Absolutely. It sets a standard if you state, prior to boarding the boat, that YOU are in charge and EVERYONE will do as they are instructed--parents included. The child will magically become a better listener or will be on shore. Give no more than three absolute rules and the consequence for not following. You may choose to remind or warn once depending on the action. No slack! Regardless of the outcome, your next boat ride will be better--the kid will be there and follow instructions or won't be there at all. Best of all? You won't have to agonize over this again.

The threat of going in the water, for a 3 year old, should completely get their attention.

I disagree with this, Andy. You're either threatening them with a good time because they like the water, as stated above; OR far worse, you may create FEAR of the water. Imagine having to dunk an hysterical, rule-breaking kid in the water. . .then imagine an adult who remains aquaphobic because of a childhood experience. . .

FWIW. Not that I know much about child psychology. Crazy.gif

Agreed...water and boats should ALWAYS be a good thing. If they are acting up, take them to shore and punish there...this makes boating a GOOD thing that is then taken away.

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I agree that my sister-in-law's lack of parenting is why her kids are the way they are. Apples don't fall far from the tree. All the more reason to leave her on shore. Biggrin.gif

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It doesn't apply to just kids. I have several groups of people (adults) that I simply will not take out on our boat because I already know that it will be a bad time.

My kids are 6 and 10. My son (10) has great behavior on our (and others) boat with our family and Chad_R's family, but he keeps asking if he can take a couple of his other friends out with us to the lake. My answer is always no to these 2 in particular because I know his friends don't listen and my son will follow suit. I tried taking them to the boat show last year and it was the most miserable time I've ever had being around so many boats.

Since you are dealing with family you should give it a try with the proper do's/don'ts for the day. If it doesn't work out, then you won't have to worry about it again. Good luck.

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Most parents don't like anyone else disciplining their children. Because of this, you need to take the parents aside and let them know that you WILL be disciplining their child while on board YOUR boat. If they can accept that, you can make sure the child follows the rules. If they can't accept that, then let them know that the child is not invited.

We take a lot of families out on our boat. Most, but not all, understand the dangers involved and I always appreciate it when one of the parents tells their children that while on my boat, they do what I say. Those are the families that get invited back. I've had many parents tell their kids this - there has not been one problem with those kids.

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I second the above. I have a small group of freinds I usually boat with and one of them has a young daughter who can be a real whiney pain in the butt. Sorry, not on my boat. Without being a jerk about it I talk to the kid face to face at her physical level and tell her I am in charge period. Any behaviour that is flat wrong gets sealt with right now, period. She will listen to me when maybe she will blow off her parents. I don't yell, but I WILL discipline.

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I agree with most except using water as a scare tactic. My mother-in-law is a prime example. She was pushed into a pool and almost drowned. Her friends did not know she couldn't swim. No one gets "accidentally pushed" into the water. (Except by me... Biggrin.gif ) And then it's only peeps that I know real well.

As far as the OP: I have all parties get in the boat just before launch and lay down the law. (pre warn parents and maybe have them tell the kids a day or two in advance that I am in charge) I have a standard speech I use anytime there are newbies on board. It varies a little with the age of the newbie. (10 yr old brats to 40 yr old brats...)

Pat

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Everyone has given great advice. Communication with the kids and the parents is the key. If you don't get the results you are looking for after open communication and you still want to have them on the boat then you can "Bam!!" Blowup.gif take it up another notch by resorting to the so called "scare tactics".

My kids were always well behaved on the boat but maybe because I gave them a little scare early on similar to how my dad handled it.

I wasn't well behaved when I was little so my dad gased the throttle at an opportune time throwing me out of the boat. That was only after asking me to sit down twice. After I got over being scared and cold I never stood up in the boat again with the ignition on. :)

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its a one shot deal... if they dont want to pay attention to the boat rules ( adult or child ) c-ya... I paid 60 k for my boat and $150 a day to fill up... they dont want to listen, i dont need them on the ride ;) ultimately youre the " capain " gl w/ youre decision

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