How to convince your divorce attorney wife that.........you need....

[TrickyNicky]

Just out of curiosity for those sharing couples, when did you first pool your money. And yes, I always take financial and relationship advice from the internet.

And to avoid a complete hijack, I also think you should discuss the options of new boat/s. If she wants a pontoon and you want a response and you can afford them both, theres no reason why you shouldn't get both. In what order and what timeframe is the subject of the discussion. Let's face it, as awesome as all the boats here are, eventually we all reach a point where an upgrade is inevitable and worth the investment. Good Luck to you.

[DocPhil]

I agree to each his own but what is the upside of having separate accounts?

If both people are hardworking, have similar goals, and discuss major purchases why not have one account for simplicity sake?

I don't get it...

[Baddog]

We have shared accounts and have had for all of our marriage. At the start when we did combine funds it was a little squirrelly, especially for me because I had more savings, but she had concerns because she was trying to establish her own independent credit rating. Regardless, we were going into the marriage for life and it was time to combine and move on. Have never looked back.

The only purchase I can recall being even a bit of a tough discussion was when I wanted to buy a new road bike. She wasn't against it per se, but she sure wasn't for it. The one I bought without much discussion happened to be a pretty color of purple that she like so all was forgiven.

[Nitrousbird]

What do you my money/your money guys do if your spouse gets sick / laid off / pregnant? Do they have to give you a promissory note or something to cover their half of the nut?

We have never had the sick or laid off issue. My wife got pregnant once, but she got 3 months paid leave from work, so that was a non-factor. Now if the other things happened, we would just simply cover each other's bills, or at least the best we can. We are both very good about getting uber tight on a budget if we need to, though that hasn't had to happen with us.

To each their own I guess. Can't imagine sitting down with my wife each month and splitting the bills, discussing how much of the mortgage we are each going to pay and what my share of the kids expenses are mine this month.

I can't either. I pay certain bills, the wife pays other bills and I transfer cash to her each month for my portion of the mortgage and money every other week for daycare (easier for her to just pay the bill weekly than going back and forth). If she needs parts for her car (as an example) I normally care for those things and just take it out of what I would have paid her the next time for bills. Kid stuff we just kind of each pay depending on the item...no big discussion.

If I make a good bit more than my wife, using your strategy, should I be able to buy a new trailer for my boat with the money I earn, while she would never be able to afford something that expensive with the money that she earns? Just doesn't make sense for my house. Our money is pooled, we find our balance and have been happily married for 15 years.

Well, it doesn't make sense to split the bills 50/50 if there is a huge gap in pay difference. Otherwise one person would be near broke while the other person would have lot's of cash each month.

[Malibuzer]

Well, it doesn't make sense to split the bills 50/50 if there is a huge gap in pay difference. Otherwise one person would be near broke while the other person would have lot's of cash each month.

Isn't that what makes it a union? For better or worse, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah?

I make a lot more money than my wife. I don't really care how much she makes. I really think it would be selfish of me to not pool all our funds. To my eyes that seems incredibly selfish. But as I said, whatever works for you both.

And I am out on this hi jack!

Back to you Inlandlaker!

Edited January 17, 2014 by Malibuzer

[Slayer]

I've seen 5 year old girls with a bigger sack. I'm just going to be honest, you sound pathetic. She is your wife; you aren't 9 years old asking your mom for permission to buy something. My wife also makes a lot more than I do, she is very frugal as well and I have never had to consider thinking/acting like this. If I want something she isn't interested in going in on I simply save up and buy it myself. Don't have that financial arrangement? Maybe it is time to fix that issue.

The $1100+ I just spent on rims for the trailer, do you think I asked permission? Heck no, I bought them and showed them too her when they arrived (she likes them). Never got an ounce of crap for it. I didn't go asking mommy if I could buy wheels for the trailer.

Sort of sorry for the tough love but this I keep reading these posts and just shake my head.

Nitruos.....I've got a lot of respect for you and have since I joint this forum. I have to say though, your comments are not tough love as you put it, more like a little of base and not at all necessary. Lighten up a bit. Part of the idea with this thread was the humor and irony behind the situation. Take it for what it is and enjoy it. If not, leave it a lone. As for earnings, you don't know what I earn, nor do you know what my wife earns. Truth be told, I had an outstanding 2013 and earned 45% more than she did. The fact remains that we are a team and these decisions are collective within our family unit. Does she need a little convincing, yes......is she totally against, I don't believe so. It's a value proposition for me and a desire for me because of all the other things that I used to do that I've given up for the enjoyment and betterment of our family. Some of those things, she forgets.

so this was started back in august and chris mentioned it had less than 100 hours. is this even really still available?

sunsetter lxi's don't sit long.

Yeah....that thing was long gone. I'm after a really nice RLXI right now but I think the price is not yet right.

I'm guessing that he actually knows what to do, this thread is mostly just some goofing around with the typical spousal relationships.

100% right on.

So, if she wants a new(er) pontoon then this discussion is simple. "ok, no problem, But I am getting the boat of my dreams." and if finances say that you have to buy her a new(er) pontoon first, than suck it up and do it. because in the long run when you find that dream Malibu, she can only say YES

My thinking as well. I'm working on that and with our winter thus far and boat season upon us, it is possible that both can be taken care of.

Couldn't have said it better.

My wife earns significantly more than I do as well (Doctor vs engineer - I loose) but its not her money, its not my money, its our money. Major financial decisions are discussed, minor ones aren't, the line between the two is not strictly defined and we find a way to agree. In ten years of being together there has not been a single agruement about money......helps to have a little but the main reason is a shared philosophy on how we want to save, invest and spend our resources.

Well stated.

[Slayer]

Thank you, Malibuzer...

So....back on track.

This weekend, provided my wife gets over what ever is ailing her right now, we plan to visit some local dealers and look at some pontoons in advance of all the boat shows. I think this will help my cause. I'll repeat.....

Stumbled on a REALLY nice 2005 RLXI locally (relatively speaking). It's still for sale and I think it's because the owner put it up late in the season and the price wasn't quite right. I know he's not in a hurry to move it, but does need to move it. He's asking $26,500. Not quite sure if that's reasonable or not. I was thinking more like $23,500. It's very nice and would suit my needs well.

My goal is to get the wife primed for boating season with the boat shows, and an impending pontoon purchase and I think she'll cave on the new Malibu. There are many reasons for this, some due to the fact that we currently have a 2-stroke toon and she hates the smell, grime, and noise. 4-stroke and we'll be in great shape. Our current, crappy, stinky pontoon can be a pain to start sometimes and she lacks confidence to mess with it and go out on her own with friends, or our kids. A new(er) toon with a 4 stroke will resolve that issue quickly. Then, she'll be more likely to come out on the toon while we ski so the kids can watch from the sides vs. in the boat and our friends with kids that I ski with can join.

If I can pull this off, it will be good. With what I think I can get out of my boat locally, if sold private or traded on a toon, our out of pocket should be tolerable. Fingers crossed.

[Slayer]

Yeah man I don't think he is afraid of his wife, I think he respects her. Every relationship and marriage is different. I know for a FACT if I just went out and dropped a huge load of cash (even the few grand you talk about for your rims) it would be a terrible situation in my house. And if I just went and bought that TXi we just finalized without her included and in agreement I would not be married. That just isn't showing respect. If it works for you, great. But with him discussing it with his wife and her not agreeing then him not just going to do it doesn't make him any less of a man... Sorry for the relationship rant, just felt like those comments were uncalled for.

Right on. This is exactly what's up. I appreciate your comments.

[wakesetter8796]

Thank you, Malibuzer...<br /> <br />So....back on track.<br /> <br />This weekend, provided my wife gets over what ever is ailing her right now, we plan to visit some local dealers and look at some pontoons in advance of all the boat shows. I think this will help my cause. I'll repeat.....<br /> <br />Stumbled on a REALLY nice 2005 RLXI locally (relatively speaking). It's still for sale and I think it's because the owner put it up late in the season and the price wasn't quite right. I know he's not in a hurry to move it, but does need to move it. He's asking $26,500. Not quite sure if that's reasonable or not. I was thinking more like $23,500. It's very nice and would suit my needs well. <br /> <br />My goal is to get the wife primed for boating season with the boat shows, and an impending pontoon purchase and I think she'll cave on the new Malibu. There are many reasons for this, some due to the fact that we currently have a 2-stroke toon and she hates the smell, grime, and noise. 4-stroke and we'll be in great shape. Our current, crappy, stinky pontoon can be a pain to start sometimes and she lacks confidence to mess with it and go out on her own with friends, or our kids. A new(er) toon with a 4 stroke will resolve that issue quickly. Then, she'll be more likely to come out on the toon while we ski so the kids can watch from the sides vs. in the boat and our friends with kids that I ski with can join.<br /> <br />If I can pull this off, it will be good. With what I think I can get out of my boat locally, if sold private or traded on a toon, our out of pocket should be tolerable. Fingers crossed.

<br /><br />Excuse my ignorance but since it's an outboard, couldn't you just switch motors?

[Slayer]

<br /><br />Excuse my ignorance but since it's an outboard, couldn't you just switch motors?

Thought about that a few times. Our current toon is a mess. Needs new carpet and a completely new interior. It was beat up when we bought it and it's more beat up now. I have a hard time wanting to invest in a new interior on it when it's a bit easier and more time efficient for our family to simply unload it and find a decent used one with a 4-stroke. No ignorance on your behalf.

[Bozboat]

Plan A

Trade the pontoon

Trade the jet ski

Replace the BU

Keep the wife

Leave/keep the lawyer out of it

I had to see it in writing, it would be easy to get confused and screw up.

Edited January 18, 2014 by Bozboat

[nyryan2001]

From nyryan's wife:

Seriously guys it's great you get this venue to strategize on persuading and/or lying to your wives. I must say now I know where Ryan gets all his great ideas to convince me into his new boy toys. Right now he is working me over to get a new truck to tow the new boat. I'm no divorce attorney, but I am a financial planner and I too am not easily swayed to all the newest, shiniest, bling trailers, boats, and accessories. Nonetheless he still gets what he wants. Don't lie or under/over exaggerate facts to get what you want - it will piss us off more when we find out we've been duped! I suggest letting her see it and flatter her into picking colors and being part of the process. Good luck :-)

[Slayer]

From nyryan's wife:

Seriously guys it's great you get this venue to strategize on persuading and/or lying to your wives. I must say now I know where Ryan gets all his great ideas to convince me into his new boy toys. Right now he is working me over to get a new truck to tow the new boat. I'm no divorce attorney, but I am a financial planner and I too am not easily swayed to all the newest, shiniest, bling trailers, boats, and accessories. Nonetheless he still gets what he wants. Don't lie or under/over exaggerate facts to get what you want - it will piss us off more when we find out we've been duped! I suggest letting her see it and flatter her into picking colors and being part of the process. Good luck :-)

nyryan....tell your wife I appreciate her input.

Persuading....possibly......lying, no way. While there have been recommendations to do so, I've taken them as humor only. Since I'm looking at 6-10 year old boats, choice of color is the greatest motivator for me, wake is. I don't expect she'll be overly interested in this purchase, much as she was not with our SSLX.

[wakebrdr94]

No offense, but Ryan, keep your wife off the board. My wife keeps threatening to join the Malibu crew just to see why I spend so much time on here. Although she did go to the site the other day while I was on here and asked "who are you, how do I see what you are posting?" I have an obsession with this site as most of us do.

(Of course I write this in good fun)

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Slayer]

My wife has no interest in being on the board. SH did ask the other night what I was doing and when I told her, she simply shook her head.....thinks we're all crazy.

[Baddog]

From nyryan's wife:

Seriously guys it's great you get this venue to strategize on persuading and/or lying to your wives. I must say now I know where Ryan gets all his great ideas to convince me into his new boy toys. Right now he is working me over to get a new truck to tow the new boat. I'm no divorce attorney, but I am a financial planner and I too am not easily swayed to all the newest, shiniest, bling trailers, boats, and accessories. Nonetheless he still gets what he wants. Don't lie or under/over exaggerate facts to get what you want - it will piss us off more when we find out we've been duped! I suggest letting her see it and flatter her into picking colors and being part of the process. Good luck :-)

Right on the mark Mrs. Ryan. Being creative with facts and statistics, OK, but lying? That just doesn't bode well for a healthy marriage.

[ahopkins22LSV]

My wife has no interest in being on the board. SH did ask the other night what I was doing and when I told her, she simply shook her head.....thinks we're all crazy.

Same here she has zero interest what so ever. Call it my online boat dating site

[Nitrousbird]

Nitruos.....I've got a lot of respect for you and have since I joint this forum. I have to say though, your comments are not tough love as you put it, more like a little of base and not at all necessary. Lighten up a bit. Part of the idea with this thread was the humor and irony behind the situation. Take it for what it is and enjoy it. If not, leave it a lone. As for earnings, you don't know what I earn, nor do you know what my wife earns. Truth be told, I had an outstanding 2013 and earned 45% more than she did. The fact remains that we are a team and these decisions are collective within our family unit. Does she need a little convincing, yes......is she totally against, I don't believe so. It's a value proposition for me and a desire for me because of all the other things that I used to do that I've given up for the enjoyment and betterment of our family. Some of those things, she forgets.

I wasn't trying to necessarily be offensive and didn't want you to take it that way. I just kept reading the posts and kept shaking my head more and more.

True, I don't know your financial status (nor want to know), as it doesn't have a lot to do with the subject. Here are the facts:

- Sounds like you have some expendable income and a really good financial year

- You want to upgrade the boat. Not buy an additional boat.

- I'm guessing you have had your current boat for a few years, so it's not like you are trying to go through boat after boat

- Your intention is to buy a used boat, just something a little newer/nicer.

- We are talking a 10-15k difference from the new boat vs what you will sell your old boat for. Sounds like you will be paying cash, but 5 years @ 5% @ 15k = $280 month. Even paying cash, you just simply need to save that back additional each month for 5 years to pay yourself back.

My point in all this is you aren't asking to do something unreasonable and therefore shouldn't have to try this hard. If you were asking to buy a 50k Txi, or an additional V-drive to add to your collection, that's a different story. You are asking to do a small upgrade. I'm approaching in mods on our boat for what the price difference in your current and new boat will be (which amazes me that I've dumped that much in it). I'd be pretty ticked if I got a pile of crap from my wife for spending money on my hobby when I/we can afford it (and by afford, good savings, good retirement contributions, kid cared for, not a lot of debt, etc.).

Again, I wasn't trying to offend you but point out that it was sounding less like a joint decision and more like begging. I've seen these issues first hand with co-workers and I feel for these folks. Working hard all day just to have the wife nag them for going out to lunch for $10. Or stay at home wives just collecting the paycheck and the guy never sees his hard earned money. That just sickens me personally...obviously not your situation but has made me a bit sensitive to the issue over the years.

[RTS]

My wife has no interest in being on the board. SH did ask the other night what I was doing and when I told her, she simply shook her head.....thinks we're all crazy.

Same here. Seems being a grown man with 'internet friends' is a little odd to my wife (and others). Occasionally saying things like 'this guy I know on-line' doesn't help out a bunch.

That being said, I would never post somehting here I did not want her to see. One day, she is going to get curious enough as to why I spend so much time here, and is going to come and search my posts.

[Slayer]

I wasn't trying to necessarily be offensive and didn't want you to take it that way. I just kept reading the posts and kept shaking my head more and more.

True, I don't know your financial status (nor want to know), as it doesn't have a lot to do with the subject. Here are the facts:

- Sounds like you have some expendable income and a really good financial year

- You want to upgrade the boat. Not buy an additional boat.

- I'm guessing you have had your current boat for a few years, so it's not like you are trying to go through boat after boat

- Your intention is to buy a used boat, just something a little newer/nicer.

- We are talking a 10-15k difference from the new boat vs what you will sell your old boat for. Sounds like you will be paying cash, but 5 years @ 5% @ 15k = $280 month. Even paying cash, you just simply need to save that back additional each month for 5 years to pay yourself back.

My point in all this is you aren't asking to do something unreasonable and therefore shouldn't have to try this hard. If you were asking to buy a 50k Txi, or an additional V-drive to add to your collection, that's a different story. You are asking to do a small upgrade. I'm approaching in mods on our boat for what the price difference in your current and new boat will be (which amazes me that I've dumped that much in it). I'd be pretty ticked if I got a pile of crap from my wife for spending money on my hobby when I/we can afford it (and by afford, good savings, good retirement contributions, kid cared for, not a lot of debt, etc.).

Again, I wasn't trying to offend you but point out that it was sounding less like a joint decision and more like begging. I've seen these issues first hand with co-workers and I feel for these folks. Working hard all day just to have the wife nag them for going out to lunch for $10. Or stay at home wives just collecting the paycheck and the guy never sees his hard earned money. That just sickens me personally...obviously not your situation but has made me a bit sensitive to the issue over the years.

I appreciate the comments, but trust me....there's no begging in my household. When I started this thread, the boat I was looking at was fantastic. Since we didn't get her the new toon last year, I didn't want to address it because I knew the response would be "we're getting a new pontoon before a new Malibu".

Now, we are in a different situation. We save enough annually to cover what I want to spend and that's not taking into consideration savings for the kids, retirement accounts, or any bonuses we may receive. So, essentially, you're correct in that there should be no resistance to my desire to spend on my #1 hobby. That discussion will be started this weekend.

[Slayer]

I have had the conversation and I have the green light for an upgrade!!!!!!!!!

We have agreed o a value and now it's time to find the right ride and ditch my current ride.

New thread coming soon.

[UWSkier]

I have had the conversation and I have the green light for an upgrade!!!!!!!!!

We have agreed o a value and now it's time to find the right ride and ditch my current ride.

New thread coming soon.

Did you let her read this thread?

[dlb]

What about the pontoon?

[Slayer]

Did you let her read this thread?

Lol....no! It would have been pretty funny if she did. I may let her read it now.

What about the pontoon?

Yesterday we went to all of our local (within 15 miles) dealers and looked at pontoons. Then, we went to the bar. When discussing pontoons, we discussed what we both want out of a pontoon and set a value on that purchase as well. Then I brought up the Malibu upgrade and she said well.....let's lower our budget value on the pontoon upgrade so we can allow for a more realistic budget on an upgraded Malibu. Her thinking was that when it's just the two of us, when we take time off during the week in the summer, we typically take the Malibu out. Gotta love the reasoning there.

[JB-FOOT]

You Sly Dog, You...

.......and you got her to think it was HER IDEA.......

...........I just love it when a "well mastered" plan comes together....